July 9. 2013

Dear J;
I'm done. I'm done with asking for affection. I'm done with expecting it. I've literally become so accustomed to no affection in my relationship, that when it does happen, it seems forced and awkward.

I thought, maybe if I change how I look you'll like me more. A lot of good that did. Am I a horrible person for wanting to lose weight? No. I'm a horrible person because I want to lose weight so you will find me attractive. There has to be some level of attraction, right? At least from my side there is. I have never felt attractive (in any sense of the word) in my entire life. You would think that after dating for so long, i'd have a moment of clarity or something. Nope. I'm over it. But not really.

And honestly, WHY THE FUCK have I not gotten my birthday present yet? My birthday was over a month and a half ago, and it is so embarrassing when people ask what you got me for my birthday. Like I would be happy with a damn gift card because that would be something. I mean, my Lord. Tonight you went out and spent God knows how much at the bar, and then told me you didn't really have the money to spend on a gift and that you needed to wait.

I'm done feeling anything.

From,
A.